It’s been a little over two weeks since I last posted anything to my blog, and there’s a bit of a reason why: I’m not happy with the direction my blog is going in. As much as I love skincare and makeup, it wasn’t my true intention to build Living My Happiest Life into a beauty blog. The point of creating this space was to have my own personal part of the Internet where I could share my thoughts, musings, happenings, and emotions with other people that wanted to read them.
Originally, I was inspired to create this blog out of an undiagnosed (by doctor, diagnosed by me) bout of depression, and my goal was to write to help others who needed it. The idea came to me after I started to feel like myself again. I didn’t (and still don’t) want to go back to that dark place again, and I would never want anyone else to feel lost, sad, and worthless like I did from January to May of 2017. The only way that I could carry myself day-to-day during those long four months was to pour my feelings out into a journal. Writing was my drug. It gave me relief from my sadness, my anger, and the crap happening around me momentarily, and even though it was just a moment of relief, but it did talk me out of jumping over the edge.
If I could go back (reluctantly) and do it all over again, I would talk to someone. A doctor, my parents, my boyfriend, my friends… but in that moment I just felt so hopeless, small, and insignificant. I think a lot of people feel that way, when it comes to expressing their emotions to others. My biggest concern was: Will they take my sadness and anger seriously and help me, or will they think I’m doing this all to gain attention?
From now on, Living My Happiest Life will be a safe place for people to talk, share, and help others, and I hope to do that with my posts about life, love, and happiness. Life gets hard, and I want to feel comfortable sharing just as much as I want my readers to feel comfortable sharing. Sure, makeup, skincare, and overall beauty makes me happy! It allows me to get creative, but Living My Happiest Life is not a beauty blog; it is a blog about hope, comfort, and love. For the beauty and skincare fans out there, I will keep my old posts up until I post again. And, just because Living My Happiest Life is getting a face lift doesn’t mean I will never post about skincare again–I’m sure I’ll find a way to incorporate sheet makes and collagen eye pads into a post down the road.
The last thing I want to leave you with, if you’ve read this far through my testimony, is the moment I felt free of the darkness and whatever was making me feel worthless. I was heading home from class when another car in the parking garage was blasting this song. The weather was starting to turn, and this driver had all of their windows down, and this song was just echoing throughout the entire garage. I rolled my windows down to soak in the song, and it made me feel happy again. To this day, whenever I get a twinge of feeling down, I play this song and I am reminded that I am worthy, beautiful, and strong. I hope this song can help you to see your inner beauty, strength, and worth just like it helped me.
If you are ever feeling depressed, please seek medical attention with your general practitioner. Living My Happiest Life is not a cure for depression, bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness, but it is a safe place for people to share and talk freely and to gain inspiration and motivation to live life to the fullest.
Thank you for allowing me to share my experience, and to talk about my emotions freely. Until next time.